if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
