haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
