I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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