i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
