i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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