Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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