You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
