You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love you. Go after that dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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