Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between