well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence