your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!