im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts