one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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