Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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