seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.