my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
