just tell him i said nine months
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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