so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
