She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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