You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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