I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
