The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
