Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
