Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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