Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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