If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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