so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
