he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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