It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
