It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
