Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
