shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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