He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
