I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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