I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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