Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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