What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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