6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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