Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
