Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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