Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
