Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
