oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
