Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
