so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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