Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
