The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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