My first STD was from a foam party
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
