You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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