:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
