It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
