I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
