if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
