Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
