I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
