Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
