Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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