He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
