Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
