I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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