We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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