omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
