coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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