i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
