The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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