shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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