Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
