I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
