fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
