u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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