Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
