I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
