You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
