she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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