Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
