Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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