We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
