The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
