You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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