I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
