It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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