No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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