He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
