"it" just moved
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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