I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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