i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
