just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize