If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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