all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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